Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
