i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
