One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
