im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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