Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
