the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
