I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
4 words: hood of his car
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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