i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
