Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
