How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
