i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
