No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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