Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
