My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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