she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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