I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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