You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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