He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I smell like Dick and happiness
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