me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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