It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
