I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
