Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
