Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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