Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
