My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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