I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
