So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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