The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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