That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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