remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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