i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
