I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i think i just lost a toe
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
