so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
