Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
