watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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