I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
