I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
