all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i will never coherently bang her
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
