My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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