I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
