Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
