I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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