I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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