Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
