we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
