I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
