My first STD was from a foam party
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
