I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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