First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
