and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
