sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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